Shame, shame, shame ..as I said, more or less everybody has it and very often do not know where it’s coming from as it can come over time creeping up your spine or knocks you out in a sec like a punch by Mike Tyson.
Even saying it feels kinda uncomfortable, don’t it?
‘I feel ashamed. I feel shame. I can not do this. I am not capable of this. Maybe, it’s just not for me?’
Maaaan and I got to tell you,.. I’ve been there, about to quit, many times.
All ready and set to sell my equipment and matter of fact I actually did (which I regret a lot) but deep inside it hurt me. Still I kept on doing what I love with what I’ve had, what brought and will bring me joy even tho I’ve had a hard time kinda because of it.
I had to go on.
I felt it in my guts, something’s gotta be wrong here.
There was and is no other choice.
Make yourself clear that this is a feeling we are causing by our own false beliefs.
Our mind likes to play tricks on us.
Don’t let it fool you.
Nobody wants to talk about it but there’s always a light at the end of the tunnel – you can turn your shame to your friend by manifestation, trusting your inner being and it’s instincts and therefore develop yourself with a rapid pace.
Thus to understand it’s nature, we have to understand it’s structure: which is to see ourselves from the point of view of another person and it doesn’t even really matter if we know them or have anything to do with them.
We just feel we could be dismissed, like we are about to fail – even tho these fictional future views on various worst case scenarios our mind makes up are probably never gonna happen.
We do not know. Shame rises from our fear of the unknown.
It’s in our nature to have the urge for a certain control in our lives and yes – there are good news – we are in control all of the time.
We are all leaders in the making in the process.. even when it just means to lead ourselves, which is the most important leadership in our lives.
It is important to understand that we all feel pretty much the same when it comes to this matter, even tho we all have whole different story.
Shame can be a very overpowering feeling which can suppress other feelings.
If we let shame take control over us, we step back into isolation, social distancing, self doubts about our existence and maybe even depression. It affects the way we feel about ourselves and can even lead to the point where we think that there is something inherently wrong with us. I’ve been there, too.
We all feel pain.. and most of us do not like pain.
Our mind tries to protect us from feeling like this again by making us feel ashamed, so we do not put ourselves in this situation again.
But when we’re in shame, we don’t see the bigger picture.
We feel alone, exposed, deeply flawed, inadequate, wrong, bad, unimportant, undeserving or not good enough when it comes to our actions and/or results.
Sometimes we like to name shame our so called ‘urge to perfection’. You know, it has to be perfect. We compare ourselves too much to others and try to reach their standards and when we fail, we start to think we can’t do this. We are not capable to.
..again, we start to think of the worst response if we show anyone what we are working on and become scared of taking the next step – which is only necessary to lead us to a better self tomorrow.
The less we talk about it, the more power it has over us. Shame can become like a wound that is rarely exposed and therefore can’t heal because it doesn’t get the air to do so.
‘It comes down to how much you are aware of your self. How much you accept and love yourself.
There will be moments of doubt. Moments you just wanna throw it all away. Thinking of not releasing the project you’ve been working on. Giving up. Everyone has an opinion which might could hurt.
Just start remembering why and who you are doing it for: you.
Find peace in what you do.’ – moeifudontknow
So how do we overcome shame and use it as the best indicator for our personal development?
Firstly, you have to know who you are deep down.
What are your beliefs?
Who do you want to be?
It’s important to look up to people and get inspired by tgem but don’t try to become them. Mark their words and actions you cherish and turn them into your very own modified manifestations.
‘.. just be yourself as much as you can.
Put yourself into the music, give a fuck about other opinions..
just take the ones you can work with and never do something you know you would regret (like doing music for someone you really don‘t like just for the money) and start being confident in your taste and work.
Your music is for you, not for anyone else.’ – AgaJon
You have to be willing to accept that others feelings and behaviour have nothing to do with you.
You won’t have the need to control it once you accept that it’s in everyone’s free will to open up to you or not, to be nice or not and that you are not the reason for their feelings and behaviour. Don’t take other people’s behaviour personally.
Be aware of your feelings but let them flow at the same time which is only possible if you feel curtain about yourself.
You have to be willing to feel your authentic feelings, rather than cover them up with shame. This is often followed by feeling angered because you can’t express your true feelings and therefore will be misunderstood.
To not let this happen, start to be present in the moment. Care about yourself, and have compassion for your own existential feelings. By doing this, you won’t longer feel the need to cover up your true feelings.
Talk about it, set it free.
If you are finding it difficult to move beyond shame, it may be because you are addicted to the feeling of control that your shame-based beliefs give you: control over others’ feelings and behaviour and control over your own authentic feelings.
Let the urge to control everything surrounding you go and let it happen.
All emotions are important, even the ones that hurt. They are the most important ones when it comes to moving forward.
When you give up some of your attachment to control and instead choose compassion toward yourself and others, you will find your shame disappearing.
If you feel some kind of shame in the future, just know that it will bring you forward. Maybe you’re just nervous because you are trying something new, something you have maybe never done or/and never done in public before.
Make sure you are ready to overcome your shame and following fear at any given moment it may occur.
Overcoming it and getting a good feedback feels great, but you will also experience negative responses. Be aware about that and don’t let the bad criticism get you down.
Life is kinda like skateboarding – you have to fall down to get better.
It hurts. You will fall A LOT but you will also get better from time to time.
Every second spend doing what you love is worth it. You are worth it.
Do more of what makes you happy and don’t allow shame to stop you.
Don’t think too much. Feel it. Be certain. Be you. Be strong. Take the control you’ve got in your hand and make the best out of it.
Own your moments and don’t let them be taken away from you by shame.
PEACE.MUCH LOVE.GOD BLESS.
I wanna send out a BIG THANK YOU to AgaJon (one of my fav producers atm – def check him out!), moeifudontknow and everyone else for helping me out and answering a couple of questions addressing this matter.